Never know??????

_+_+_  I know what I wanted to do it very wrong for my parents n I know they never allow me. The reason that they agree with me just wanted to delay my time with force their mind for let me happy. I know they didn't want me to do, but I very sorry cos it very late ready to ban me. I want know myself n I also know my feel not strong, always change with people word, but this time I'm not going let my feel change n I'm going to do it what I have say cos I'm a boy cn't always change. If I do't I still the kid who dunno how big this world n what happen. t I know many people think very slow that I decide it n I very know that they very kind n care about me, I also like n very love them as my family, I also dunno how to pay back to them, cos it not money or thing, it is mind n feel. Mind n feel very difficult to pay back. However, if I do't, I think one day even thought myself also say me fucking slow. Now people think but I'm not. Really one day happen, myself n them use the same word, I think better I kill myself, I do't want see myself say my own fucking slow.... . People cn say now but I do't n I also do't want see myself say this word. I want walk my wall without tell me n I want to know it wrong or not? I also want to know myself clear. I have never know myself clear. Let see what will happen with my fucking life??? Continue my alone fucking life or other life.. Or I really kill myself.... . I'll always believe myself....